Revelations come in all sorts of packages here in China. The latest one for me had absolutely nothing to do with business, but with family: the Chinese family and its militant emphasis on education. The very American Tiger Mother would have us believe that all Asians revel in straight-jacketing their children so they will attain a social stratum that will bring great adulation to family elders.

A recent coffee break with a Chinese mother named Mimi led me to understand there is a nascent trend among Chinese parents to the contrary.

Mimi’s ten year old son is – how to put it delicately – average. Of course, to his mother, he’s precious; but to his teachers at school his scores are abysmally second-rate – and therefore he is second-rate, too. Mimi is a very mature and dignified manager of a foreign firm with offices in China. She is in her mid-thirties. Mimi sees her ten year old son suffering within an education system that emphasizes rote learning and endless memorization over creativity and initiative.

Her son developed a low opinion of himself, as a result. Mimi explained to me, “Chinese people at an individual level do not really know what they want. Their entire lives they are told what to think, what to say, what to desire.” Last year, though, Mimi decided to get to the bottom of herself., of her own values and desires.

For several months Mimi has been attending an evening program led by a Chinese woman that helps parents re-evaluate their lives, learn what’s really important to them, and basically realize there’s more to their lives than meeting the expectations of others. About sixty adults participate in the program, she told me. During the late winter last year she took her son to a camp on the island of Hainan where mother and son could get to know each other better and he could explore parts of his personality and expression he never knew he had.

“He was very happy to discover that he could contribute things to the children in his group that none of them could. We had a wonderful time together,” she told me. I asked her what her husband thought of her efforts.

“Well, he doesn’t criticize me, but he doesnt’ participate, either.” She explained to me, “Chinese fathers believe they have nothing to improve in themselves. Whatever they learned from their fathers was good enough for them.” She told me 90-percent of the participants in the relationship programs are women. “Chinese men,” she said, “believe the child’s education is the mother’s responsibility.”

Thank goodness for little Zhou.